Shattered Glass

The dusty old picture of Jon that I found in my old closet(at my parents house) was a BLAST from the Past. It had been ages since I heard from him. I noticed the picture, keep in mind was ten years old, was in a picture frame with shattered glass. Bad luck for seven years?! Does that apply with glass, I hope not, seeing as I had just broken my Sephora carry around mirror, it made me feel it was sign that I was becoming to vain. Oh well what can you do? I decided that moment I had to show Jon the old picture I found of him.

Jon.

Jon was my very first love in the world. I met him in middle school and dated him all throughout the beginning of high school. I absolutely adored him, to this day. His bright personality and love for life just drew every one to him. You could say he's irresistible. Not a bad bone it that body of his. We remained close friends after we broke up, but as the college years ravaged through my life, we drifted a part. However, Jon's the type of person you can talk to like no time has passed at all. He always seems to understand and encourage me when he knew I needed it. A true, loyal friend.

It was decided I had to see him sometime soon. I have realized over the years good friends, I mean true friends, are nearly impossible to find. And, if your lucky enough to have them, hold on to them. They are worth the pain they may cause, the drama, the tears, or whatever the case may be. Because who are you, if know one knows the real YOU? Life just isn't worth living without those unforgettable, indescribable connections you make with people along the way.

I was at bar and I run into one of Jon's friends. He calls John, and John tells me,"I'll be there in fifteen minutes! I want to see you, It's been forever!" I was so happy to hear from my old friend, and randomly at that. Unfortunately, it was late and my boyfriend was ready to go before Jon came to the bar. So I guess i'll see him another time? Although, I thought when would I ever just see him? Both of our schedules are completely different? BLah. blah. blah. The usual justifications you make to yourself, to make life a little easier.

Me and Jon spoke through text several weeks later. We were finally to hang out. But that night I canceled again. I can see him anytime I said. "Sorry tonight isn't a good, sometime soon though!" The last text I would ever send to him.

It's 4:30 am. I charge my dead phone and see all the text messages. So many that I can't even read one, without ten more popping up at the same time. The calls we're from my mother, all my best friends, people I haven't heard from since high-school, and I'm 24 almost 25 years old now. SOMETHING IS WRONG. That's about all I know...

I check my voice mail. I have to listen through half of thirty "unheard massages" before I even get to the important one, the one about all the calls. Angela. What? "Jon's died in a car-wreck with Justin. The wake is tomorrow. I hope to see you there."

A million thoughts went through my mind. A million regrets, " If only I hadn't canceled?!" Why did I do that. How could I do that. And at 4:30 there is not any one to talk to, just the ability to torture yourself with your own regrets.

I'll always love you Jon Brown. And No, Jonathon Alan Brown is not a pseudonym. Thanks for putting joy in my life and lives of so many others. You touched so many people along the way. Your soul is pure and I am so blessed to have been even just a small chapter in your short life. Rest in Peace Jonboy. Your forever in my heart and thoughts.